They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
