i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
