I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
