i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
