im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
did you just send me my own nude
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
