Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
