The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
