Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
