I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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