Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
