i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
