let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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