hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
