He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Acid is not a monday night drug
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
