So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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