It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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