I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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