when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
