I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
