yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
