I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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