did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
