just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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