everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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