god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
