i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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