if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
