Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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