Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
