Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Are we still banned from the library?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
