I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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