I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
