ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
