he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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