he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
