you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
