Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
