I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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