..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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