I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
