She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
