literally had 100 drinks last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
