why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
