when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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