your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
