How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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