grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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