do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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