Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
