something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
