Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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